Five Steps to Getting Your Kids to Help | Our Busy Family Life ...

By Susan Heid of?The Confident Mom

Photo Courtesy of clogozm

1. Help your family buy into the cause

As you probably already know you cannot just expect your children to be happy and joyful about helping with duties around the house.? But I have found that if you take the time to explain what their help means to you and how it benefits the entire family you may be surprised with how their attitude ends up changing.? When they understand that their help will allow the family to do more ?fun? activities because you will have the time for that, or they can have friends over because the house is picked up it will make an impact.

2.? Teamwork and cooperation is key

If you are not having family meetings yet, I highly recommend you start.? This element has played a big part in our kids feeling a part of the TEAM.? Everyone has the opportunity to share concerns, discuss problems and come up with solutions.? It is a time for everyone, especially your children to be heard and respected.? Allow everyone time to share their opinion without being interrupted and when making decisions, truly take their voice into consideration.? Try to include the entire family in decisions such as vacation plans, weekend plans and chore distribution.

3.? Start early and keep it simple

If you have young children at home, around 2-3 years you are in the prime chore starting stage.? By giving your child simple tasks to do DAILY you are beginning a good habit.? This pattern will seem the ?norm? for them.? Now, if you have older kids it will not be that much different, but you will just be subject to more bargaining, power struggles and lip service.? But hang in there; it does work if you stick with it!? Some chore ideas for age groups:

Ages 3-5:? picking toys up, empty laundry baskets, bathroom trash, sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, table setting, folding towels

Ages 5-10:? feeding the dog/cat, empty/fill dishwasher, cleaning mirrors, counters, helping with meal preparation, helping make their own lunches (yes, even at age 5)

Ages 10-15:? Dinner preparation, dinner clean-up, bathrooms, laundry, walking the dog, mopping floors, ironing, mowing the lawn

A few key points to remember as you refer to this list of ideas:? in the beginning it is not how well the job is done ? but rather that the job is getting done and they are learning.? The job will rarely been done the same way or to the same precision as you, so you have to let it go.? You are building much more in your children by giving them your encouragement rather than criticism.? I suggest you take time as your children grow older and are graduating to more involved chores to go through new ones as they do them a few times so they understand your expectations.

4.? Don?t take NO for an answer- set expectations and consistent consequences

Parents often feel they don?t have the control to ?make? their kids do chores or participate in household duties?..Oh how right and wrong you are.? You cannot ?make? or control your kids, but you can make life more difficult for them if they chose to not cooperate.? I am a big fan of allowing children choices, so this idea of setting up the expectation and if your child does not meet that clear expectation; they know in advance what the consequence is.? Does your child like to play with friends?? Do you have other duties that need completed?? Does your child watch TV, play video games, have a computer, cell phone, and enjoy clean clothes?? These things are all privileges, not rights.

Consequences vs. Privileges

When you make it clear to your children that they will not receive their privileges until they fulfill their responsibilities, they have a choice to make.? For example:? We have a clear expectation that all chores are completed by 5 PM everyday, unless PRIOR permission has been given (sports, certain homework,? family activity, etc).? The consequence is different for each child if their chores are not done by the set time.? They still MUST complete their chores, regardless?.. in addition they will lose their cell phone, IPOD, or TV viewing for 24 hours.? The choice is theirs and they know in advance what the consequence for their decision to not complete their chores by the expected time.? I can say that the times that we have to implement a consequence is rare and rather easy, they know there is no negotiating, it is what it is.? They have learned they cannot manipulate us into feeling sorry for them, or whine enough to change the circumstance.

An important tip:? Do not nag and remind your children all day about their chores.? What does that teach them?? That mom will be there to remind them of everything, why would they do it on their own

5.? Be encouraging

Your child participating in household responsibilities is a learning process for everyone!? One of the greatest lessons is the feeling of doing a good job and putting forth great effort.? Even when the job may not be done exactly as you would like, praise the effort they have given.? This will go farther in the end and will help them take on even more challenging work in the future.? Verbal compliments are great, but even more touching are little notes appreciating them and their work and how it has allowed you to be the best mom you can be.? Comments like those are huge to a child.? By focusing on their strengths and how they have contributed to the family you likely will see more compliance as they grow older.

What tips can you share that helps you maintain cooperation in your home?

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.? She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the ?bluest skies you?ve ever seen are in Seattle.? ?Her FREE 5 part mini series: ?The Opening Act? is helping moms worldwide become the calm mom they want to be!

Source: http://family-life.familieswithpurpose.com/2012/02/14/five-steps-to-getting-your-kids-to-help/

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